Where’s the sex?

Before Reading Week I went to an awesome event put on by the Women’s Centre, RyePride and RyeAccess: Sexability. The theme of this event was to challenge the heterosexual and able-bodied view that society has when it comes to sex – as in, the only sexual people are the “normal” heterosexual and able-bodied persons. I knew after reading the event description that it would be an excellent dialogue and I definitely wanted to participate, especially since I had realized that people do not view those with disabilities as sexual beings.

The event started with the professor reading a story about two people with disabilities living in a nursing home. These two people (a man and a woman) had started a dating relationship and asked if they could receive assistance for having sexual relations since they were unable to position themselves in order to do so. My first reaction, as a nursing student, was “Sure, why not?” However, the professor stated that not everyone feels the same way, which surprised me. I mean, humans are sexual beings and people with disabilities are humans, so obviously they’re sexual too, right? Well apparently not everyone has the same thinking about it that I do.

Some of the main ideas that came out of the dialogue included how people with disabilities are not viewed as sexual beings; how their sex lives would become “medicalized” if health car providers were to assist them with carrying out their sexual relations; and how the health care system itself seems to have no room for sex in it.

In regards to the couple at the nursing home, many people at the event agreed that certain health care professionals (such as nurses) should receive additional training for assisting people with their sex lives. As a future health care professional, I stated that I would not have any issues with getting extra training, and that I thought it was a good idea. The health care system emphasizes providing patients with holistic care, meaning tending to not just their physical needs but also their psychological, social, emotional, and spiritual as well. Plus sex is a physical need that we as humans have, so is it not part of our job then to empower our patients to fulfill their sexual needs? Then a woman who was sitting beside me in a wheelchair stated that she felt like allowing health care professionals to be present for an act that is usually intimate and private between two (or more) people would be “medicalizing” sex for those people. Others in the audience agreed with that good point, and it made me reconsider my perspective from the patient’s point of view too, not just as a student nurse. One of the workers at the Women’s Centre stated that if she was in that position and there had to be someone there, she would want it to be a health care provider because that person is a professional. The idea of having a health care provider there as required did not bother her. I then said that as a future nurse, I did not feel like I would be awkward if I were to be the health care provider helping people with their sexual relations. Overall, I think those who are able-bodied can only speculate about issues like this, since someone such as myself who is without a disability obviously does not know what it could or would be like. Most of us did agree though that it would be a good idea in general to provide the extra training for health care professionals to assist people with having sex.

Something else I realized as a nursing student was that I was more than halfway through my second year, and thus almost halfway through my undergraduate degree, and there had been next-to-no mention of sex. For example, we have two clinical care plan assignments to do in second year that are over 20 pages long, and nowhere among the self-concept, interdependence, role function, and even physiological modes was there any mention of sex. You’d think that if it was anywhere, it’d be in the patient’s care plans we were making up. Again, humans are sexual beings and the health care system claims that it provides holistic care, so why were the sexualities and sexual needs not being addressed? In two weeks we will be learning in my concepts class about “sexuality”, even though there is no chapter in our class textbook on it. Why would that be? Because it’s awkward to talk about sex? So how are we, as nursing students, supposed to talk to our patients about the “uncomfortable” topic of sex when our instructors do not teach us how to, and don’t even teach the topic to us? With a nursing curriculum that excludes sex like this, it’s no wonder why some health care providers would be uncomfortable helping patients fulfill their sexual relations. I’ll see how the concepts class on sexuality goes and perhaps write a post to follow up, but something tells me that I’ll feel like the topics of sex and sexuality weren’t adequately covered in the lecture. The lack of sex in the curriculum and health care overall is something that should be brought to the attention of nursing educators, health care providers and the health care system.

~ Tasha

“I’m a feminist, but…”

Few phrases in regards to feminism irritate me more than this one. I had read on many blogs stories of the authors hearing people state “I’m a feminist, but….”, however I had never heard it for myself until this past semester. Twice in my sociology class and once from a friend during a telephone conversation, those exact words have been said to me: “I’m a feminist, but…”

My male sociology professor has on two different occasions posed the question “Who in here is a feminist?” to my class. Both times I was the only one who shot my hand straight up into the air, especially on the day I was wearing my “This is what a feminist looks like” T-shirt. A couple of my classmates tentatively raised their hands, often not above their shoulders, while most of them kept their hands down and looked awkward. A guy in the back row once laughed nervously and made the statement “I’m a feminist, but…. I’m a guy”, to which my professor also laughed and said “That’s okay”. The guy then continued to say “Well, I don’t know… they all just seem so… angry.” And there it was. Stereotypes like that are what make me angry, which I’m aware is somewhat counterproductive because then the stereotype is “fulfilled”. However, feminists being angry is one of the most common reasons that people use the phrase “I’m a feminist, but…”.

I kept my mouth closed in class that day and also the next time I heard a classmate use the same follow-up to the phrase “I’m a feminist, but…”, however when talking to my female friend on the phone, who said essentially the same thing (“Some of them are just so crazy about it!”), I couldn’t help but say something sarcastic along the lines of “Yes, because all feminists are also extremist dykes who burn bras and don’t shave their legs.” Okay, admittedly I might not have used those EXACT words, but that’s what I felt like saying. Instead, I decided that from then on, when someone says that phrase to me, I will definitely mention one of the infamous stereotypes that are associated with feminists and point out the flaws with it. I mean, look at religion. Religion is a topic that causes much controversy, likely more than feminism does, and there are many various beliefs that people have when it comes to being religious – same as feminism. So saying “I’m a feminist, but… they’re just so angry!” would be like someone saying “I’m a religious person, but… they whip themselves as penance!” Most of you would think in response to that “Well, obviously some do, but not the majority”. So yes, obviously there are SOME extremists when it comes to religion, just like there are SOME when it comes to feminism. But that doesn’t mean ALL religious people whip themselves when they’ve sinned, right? Nor does it mean ALL feminists have anger management problems (and burn bras and boycott shaving their legs and date girls). So my question now is, how come the phrase “I’m a feminist, but…” is much more popular than the phrase “I’m a religious person, but…”? Is it because religion is considered by society a much more “valid” excuse for causing controversy than feminism? Because most religious leaders are males and thus they are “allowed” to be angry, while the most well-known feminists are women who are not “allowed” to be? Because many categories of religion believe in a “God”, who is often also portrayed as a male and thus is more accepted in our still-patriarchal culture and other cultures around the world? I’ve digress on a bit of a rant here (because only angry people rant, right?) but this is definitely something to think about.

Now the next time someone asks you or your class if you’re a feminist, I’m going to give you one big reason why you can proudly say “Yes, I am a feminist”, no ifs, ands, or BUTs. That reason is: if you believe in equal rights for females and males, you’re a feminist. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy – if you want your mother (or sister, or grandmother, or aunt, or niece, or girlfriend) to be treated as well as you are, you’re a feminist. If you think males and females should receive equal educational opportunities, equal employment opportunities, and equal pay for equal work, you’re a feminist. It doesn’t matter who you date, what you look like, or what you wear. I’m a feminist who wears dresses, is beautiful, shaves my legs and armpits, has sex, wears bras, has a boyfriend whom I adore, wears make-up, has long hair, is going to become a nurse, wants to get married and have children in the future, and has been described by a friend as “one of the sweetest people I have ever met who has a capacity for forgiveness that is unlimited”.

Kind of disproves the stereotypes that feminists are angry, man-haters, bra-burners, and lesbians, doesn’t it?

~ Tasha

P.S. Awesome link sent to me by a friend after she read my post. Enjoy!

Angry man-hating lesbian feminists

Recently, one of our Women’s Centre assistants, Nora, had the firsthand experience of being on the receiving end of a sexist, homophobic comment simply for being a proud feminist. While chatting to a classmate online, Nora was told “it’s like you are a lesbian…cause you work at the Women’s Centre.” And there we have it. Yet another person was faced with the age-old stereotype that because she is a feminist, she is obviously an angry man-hating lesbian.

And here we have the age-old stereotype that all feminists hate men to the point that they choose to be lesbians (because everyone gets to choose their sexual orientation, natch). Besides being a tired stereotype, this statement is offensive for two reasons. The first is that it is homophobic. The idea that being called a lesbian might somehow be taken as an insult implies that there is something wrong with being a lesbian (there isn’t). Secondly, it perpetuates the stereotype that women aren’t allowed to have a voice and that if they do have a voice, they are obviously man-haters.

Most women who decide to make their opinions known (whether it’s about women’s issues or anything else) are constantly penalized. We are expected to keep quiet and accept the status quo. Those of us who speak up are accused of creating problems that don’t exist. Working to be on par with men leads others to say that we hate men and want to live in a female dominated world. The truth is that most feminists are just fighting for equality. We want the freedom to make our own choices, not to conform to outdated stereotypes, and to be treated equally to men. If that makes us angry man-hating lesbians then so be it.

-Kirthan

What women want.

This term in my sociology class I have to do a presentation on socialization. The presentation involves reading an article then arguing either for or against the question posed in the article, and I was assigned to the “pro” side. So imagine my unhappiness last week when I saw that the article’s question, and thus what I will have to argue in support of, is “Should mothers stay at home with their children?” COME ON! As a modern feminist, I did NOT want to argue that mothers should be the ones to stay at home – didn’t feminists spend years arguing that women should have the option of working too? So I shared my displeasure in my Facebook status, and got an AMAZING response from my peers. The dialogue that my status started was fantastic; I was super excited to be a part in such a stimulating conversation with other women, and for all of us to share and debate our views. With permission from the ladies who participated (minus two, who I labeled as “Anonymous”) I posted my status and the comments below, because I felt like it just HAD to be shared more. And in the end, I discovered that we all agreed on the same thing – when it comes to making decisions on whether to work or raise children, women should be allowed to do what they want!

Tasha For my sociology presentation I have to argue in FAVOUR of mothers staying at home with their children. Not even kidding. FML

CH My husband will be staying home with our second child. I am woman hear me roar! LOL

KL Isn’t it offensive to women that so many people view staying home with your children anti-feminist?

CH I was a stay at home mom for 10 weeks, and I loved every second of it; however I do not like that women are expected to stay at home and looked down on if they do not, as I was for returning to work so soon. There are a lot of stereotypes to this. For women who choose to stay at home because they want to, they can afford to and it was ultimately their choice, all the power to them. However it would be nice to see more men taking paternity leave as I feel women tend to sacrifice so much all the time. Thus my husband taking paternity leave for our second child.

KL I would agree with that. It is a shame that such opinions exist. If a woman chooses to stay home and raise children it shouldn’t be viewed as a sacrifice. It was a choice, and personally I see no difference in excelling in work or raising a few great individuals to populate the world.

Tasha The anti-feminist part of women staying at home to raise children is that it is often expected of them, and used to be demanded of them, that’s all. Feminism is all about choice.

KL I think it is offensive to women who have chosen (even if it was an expectation) to stay home that it is something wrong. I had a stay at home mother who always said her greatest accomplishment was raising myself and my sisters, and hoped that we would be able to one day raise our own children as well. This is a university educated women who was made to feel by other women that she was not utilizing her talents properly because she wanted to raise her own children. So I believe although the stereotype that women should stay at home is wrong, the idea that there is anything wrong with a women staying at home is equally wrong.

MC I agree. My mother was also a stay at home mother, and there is a lot of judgement of this choice; many see it as anti-feminist and not a legitimate career choice. There are a lot of benefits to a parent (either a mother or father) staying home but our society places little value on it. I disagree that it is expected of women to stay home, I think more and more it is expected that women will return to work as quickly as possible.

Anonymous #1 I think there is no one better to raise a child than their own mother, and if you aren’t prepared to stay at home with your children maybe you should wait to have them.

Tasha I never said women who choose to stay at home are making the “wrong” choice. I’m just against women feeling like they don’t have a choice. I’m annoyed that I have to argue FOR women staying at home because in the past it’s been the argument that’s been used to FORCE women to stay at home for so long.
@ MC: Males still get mocked nowadays for being stay-at-home-dads, which is a reason why I believe that it’s still expected that the mother will stay home and not the father.

CH I think that being a stay at home mother is one of the hardest jobs there is, you have to be a doctor, teacher, coach, mentor, role model, nurse, daycare provider, chef, maid, disciplinary and those are just to name a few roles that a mom is required to be at any given time. I think that the bond between a mother and her children especially those who have had a stay at home mom, is something that is truly beautiful and special as not everyone is fortunate enough to have a parent whether it be the mother or the father stay home and raise them as a full time job. I think the point here is not that this is personal against any individual or their mother but that the choice was to stay home, and the view here is pro choice not the actual action of staying home itself. It is sad that mothers that do choose to stay home are looked at as conforming to some ideal that women are meant to be at home and rear the children, however this stereotype is in place due to the fact that this was the way of life at one point. Everyone has a choice and that is what is important, that women can NOW choose to stay at home. I agree with you Tasha, people tease my husband at his work and call me his “Sugar Mama”, because he is playing the “women’s” role and I am playing the “men’s”.

KL But women aren’t being forced to stay at home today, so arguing about the good aspects that come from having a stay at home parent is not demeaning to women.

MC Absolutely, and I don’t think that’s right either. I think it’s beneficial for the children to have a parent at home, and if the father is more suited to it or in a better position to, why not? Just the wording of your original status made me think that you saw it as anti-feminist for a woman to stay home, which is an attitude I find very backwards, because as you say, feminism is about choice and we should celebrate being a mother as a legitimate choice that has many benefits.

CH Well put!

KL I would strongly agree with Marley’s comment. That is exactly how I felt as well.

VO I agree on the freedom of choice comment. It’s not about whether we want to or not (that’s a personal choice, underline, PERSONAL) but it’s about the perceived requirement and stigmatization when someone doesn’t conform and then lack of support for either way. Choose to stay home, then maybe your job will “disappear” or you don’t get that promotion because you’re of childbearing age. Or you take minimal leave & work and society vilifies you as a terrible mother & you still might not get a promotion since you’re of childbearing age…. It’s just another argument for the glass bird cage. And I also agree your choice of phrasing in your status was poor & offensive to some. Like ME! I want to stay home with my kids but I also want a career!!!

CH As a young mother I can tell you wanting to focus on your career and trying to be the best mom is a tough battle. Some can have both, but sometimes life does not allow you to have both!

Anonymous #2 We had a choice as to whether we should or should not go back to work? Wow, who knew? The decision was pretty much made for me; did I want to be able to own and home, save for a retirement, put braces on my kid’s teeth? Yup I did so back to work I went

CH I hear ya!

VO Haha, there is always a choice, regardless of how much one option is impractical. But yea, that’s what I mean by we don’t have a choice really

Tasha Loooooooook at all of this dialogue! Loves it Will read it and respond to specifics once I’m not in class, lol.
General comments: I apologize if I offended anyone with my status. I was aware when posting my status that it seemed like a blanket statement and could be easily misunderstood, but I also knew/hoped it would receive a lot of comments and I could explain. Plus I like starting conversations like this one so sometimes I make such statements on purpose, heh and did not want to write a story for my status. Those who know me well know that I’m a feminist who still wants to have a career AND raise kids. We can do what we want ladies!
@ Anonymous #1: I do not necessarily agree with your belief that the mother is always the best person to raise a child. My mother went back to work full time after her maternity leave was up and I had a full-time baby-sitter who took care of me every day until I was 11 years old. Does that mean that my mom could have done a better job of raising me if she had stayed at home? I’m pretty sure my mother did a great job raising me, and because she (and her mother before her) was able to work a full-time job AND raise children well is one of the reasons why I consider her a role model to me. Going further into this, what about babies who lose their mother in childbirth or for whatever other reason? Or babies that are given up for adoption – which can often be the best outcome for a baby in some cases. Or how about mothers who HAVE to go back to work so that they can afford to raise their children? Are these children going to be at a disadvantage when it comes to children that were raised by stay-at-home-moms? Not necessarily. And then there’s the whole idea of gay male couples wanting to raise a child too, where the biological mother will obviously not be playing a role. There are so many other completely functional and beneficial options when it comes to raising children besides the biological mother, options that I believe can be just as good if not better at times.
@ KL and MC: Again I disagree when you say women today are not being forced to stay at home. Many of the things Val mentioned in her comment are not as strong as they once were but definitely still apply today to women who choose to go back to work: perceived stigmatization from other people including other mothers; lack of support from workplace, family, friends, etc.; stalled promotion; discrimination for being of childbearing age; etc. Look at my cousin’s post about how her husband is mocked for being the stay-at-home-dad. Not all guys could handle that. I myself know some guys from today’s generation who have voiced concerned opinions about not being the “breadwinner”, including a guy I dated who would have been making less than me once I’m a nurse. Some women would then unfortunately “choose” to stay at home to preserve the egos of their boyfriends/husbands, for example. Also the idea that women make better mothers because they are more “emotional”, “nurturing”, “caring”, etc. is still believed today. I hear the same about women being nurses, and this belief is likely why 90%+ of nurses are females. Plus there’s the fact that there is STILL a wage gap between genders, as in women are still making less than males in the workplace. So let’s say that when a women is sitting down with her husband and they are deciding who should stay home with the new baby, the woman could have the exact same job as the husband but she would be making less money, so then it might be decided that she should stay at home and raise the child because he makes more and thus should continue working. This may come off as the woman’s “choice” but in reality, the woman is being paid less for no legitimate reason and it is completely out of her control, and it is the result of the patriarchal society that we still live in today. I recognize that we don’t live in the “Mad Men” era lol, but I firmly believe there are still influencing factors out there that pressure women to take the mat leave/stay home and raise their kids.

MF I know it’s not the normal practice nowadays to have a “stay at home mom” as most mothers only take one year off work than ship their kids off to daycare where they can be mass-raised by different people everyday who never can spend any one-on-one time with your child in particular. They only throw toys at them when they’re annoying and tell them when to sleep even when they’re not tired. I may have had some opinions in the past, but if I lived in a house where I had the financial freedom to be a stay at home mom, I would in a heartbeat. Just think about how beneficial it would be to your child’s bond with you, and their development if you could be there for them all the time instead of rushing home after work just to quickly feed them dinner, maybe get an hour of bonding time in before you have to send them to bed and repeat the process. I bet if you ask anyone who actually had a full time stay at home parent, they would say that they had a happy, well-balanced childhood.

Tasha I’m not saying having a full time stay at home PARENT (key word, PARENT, not just MOM) isn’t a good thing. I just don’t think it’s the the mother raising the child is the ONLY good thing and the ONLY way to raise a child and give a child a “happy, well-balanced childhood”.

KL I can understand the pressure women face to stay at home, but I think there is equal pressure to go back to work. The discrimination faced by women of childbearing age is not acceptable, however, I also believe the fact that men and women are judged for staying home is equally inappropriate. I see absolutely no difference in which parent choices to stay home, or for that matter if they make that choice or not. However, I strongly believe that even more so than women feeling pressure to stay home, there is a stigmatization that something is wrong with a male or female that wants to stay home with their children. Although everyones opinions are different on how to raise their children, I believe woman have faced the conflicting position of being looked down upon for wanting to stay home with their children and when men face the same taunts, it becomes more than they can handle. This has been my concern throughout. I see no problem if either parent wants or doesn’t want to stay home; I see a problem with the workplace assumption that says staying home is a lesser life choice than working, and this is in my opinion a strongly force against women than that of being pressured to stay home today. I do understand the alternative exists, because we don’t live in a black and white society and every choice has many aspects/factors. I just feel there are more factors influencing women to not stay at home, and I feel women should ideally not feel pressure for either, but it does occur and it should be recognized.

Tasha Yeah, the decision to stay at home versus going to work is often a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation when it comes to others’ reactions and the stigmatization with it. People just need to stop judging others’ decisions and let them do what they WANT and are capable of.

Also, for further reading pleasure, an article I wanted to include that I feel is relevant, and has to do with the topic of motherhood. Enjoy!

~ Tasha

Watch out!

“Feminism Encourages Women To Leave Their Husbands, Kill Their Children, Practice Witchcraft, Destroy Capitalism & Become Lesbians.” Quote from Pat Robertson.

Who let the girls in?

Before I get into this let me confess that as a girl, I have not read many comics. We’re talking one, maybe two comic books in my lifetime. A couple of months ago a male friend here in Toronto took me to Hairy Tarantula on Yonge Street. Looking around inside I felt like I was in another world, and I was interested to explore it. I do read two webcomics daily on the Internet that I absolutely love, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal and Questionable Content ; both written by men but the latter being one in which there are some kick-ass female characters. However my exposure to comics is rather limited. That being said, there is a trend in comics that I and many other people have been noticing for years, and that trend is that the world of comics is a “boys’ clubhouse”. Whether it be the characters, superheroes, writers, or buyers/readers, most of them are boys. And I can’t help but wonder, where are the girls?

I am aware that there are some awesome female characters, writers, and readers out there, but they seem to be lost among all the males. Reading an article on the “Best and Worst Super-Heroines in Comics” I sadly realized that I have heard of less than half of these super-heroines, and I was less than impressed with most of the costumes on these characters, particularly the lack of bottoms on Scarlet Witch. Yikes. So last week I was happy to read an article a friend sent me about “Girl Comics“, a collection of comics done completely by women that came out last March (see, almost a year later and I’m just learning about it now – totally out of the comic loop). In my opinion, the female editors at Marvel who came up with “Girl Comics” have created a bigger spot for girls in this boys’ comic clubhouse, and more attention needs to be drawn to it. I’ll be making a stop by the Hairy Tarantula and buying a copy to show my support for the ladies, cuz let’s face it – it’s tough being a girl in any guys’ world.

~ Tasha

Bullshit Blood Ban

On December 1st I attended an event at Ryerson for World Aids Day, Stop the Stigma End the Blood Ban. The event consisted of two speakers, Mr. Lee and Derek, the president of the Ontario chapter of the Canadian Federation of Students. Mr. Lee spoke of the stigmatization in society towards HIV and the gaps for persons with HIV in the social and health services. Derek spoke about Canadian Blood Services’s blood-donating policies that discriminate against homosexual males and Africans, to name a few.

My first indirect encounter of  the discrimination from Canadian Blood Services was against my best friend who is male and gay. Years ago he went to donate blood but was denied, and was quite unhappy about it. I remember thinking “Wow, that’s not cool” but not much else of it, especially since my mom’s brief explanation of it being because of the “incident in the 80s”. However to this day, anytime I mention donating blood, my best friend bitterly says “I’m not allowed to donate”.  Another indirect encounter was with an ex boyfriend of mine, who was not allowed to donate because he had had sex with his ex girlfriend who was from Africa. Again, I remember thinking “Really? Seems like a bit much”, but not much else. So I gladly went to this event at Ryerson to learn more about what was going on with Canadian Blood Services, and needless to say, I was shocked at what I found out.

In a nutshell, the Canadian Blood Services questionnaire does not screen out high-risk behaviours, but rather what they believe to be “high-risk groups”, such as homosexual males. It’s been found that the so-called justification Canadian Blood Services has for doing this is based on stereotypes and discrimination such as homophobia and xenophobia, not scientific proof. To be fair, not all Canadian Blood Services’s workers agree with the questionnaire – one audience member at the event shared her story of the nurse laughing at the questions and calling them “ridiculous” when conducting the screening before the blood donation.

One brave homosexual male challenged Canadian Blood Services’s policies. In the Kyle Freeman case, the judge ruled in favour with Canadian Blood Services in that Mr. Freeman should not have lied on the questionnaire. However, the judge also stated that Canadian Blood Services had no scientific proof to back up their policies. Further digging around by the Canadian Federation of Students yielded the reasoning that the public wants to “feel safe”  and in order to achieve this, Canadian Blood Services cannot accept blood from the “high-risk groups” like gays. Wow. After hearing that, I couldn’t help but wonder how “safe” the public would feel if they found out that the group with the current highest rate of HIV is actually heterosexual women. Would females like myself then receive lifetime bans from donating blood? I highly doubt it. Also, Canadian Blood Services screens the blood before it is used, so why ban these “high-risk” people from donating when any unsafe blood would just be screened and caught anyways? Perhaps Canadian Blood Services does not have faith in their testing procedures. I wonder how “safe” the public would feel after hearing that.

Discrimination is discrimination, no matter how you try to hide and justify it. For more information on the wonderful campaign End the Ban, visit their website.

~ Tasha

The “Man Box”

Amazing speech on the socialization of men and its effects on society, found here.

“M-Bomb”

About a week ago I read an article that I found to be unsettling. This article talks about how smart girls are dumbing themselves down for the sake of guys – whether it be landing a guy or stroking a boyfriend’s ego. The thing I found unsettling about this article is how TRUE it is – I agreed with all of it! I’m ashamed to admit that I’m definitely guilty – not just acting extra “fun” (read: ditzy)  around guys I like to encourage them liking me back, but also around friends I don’t feel totally comfortable with. However after reading this article and realizing how degrading it is to women to purposely act dumb, I’m officially retiring my “fun” act for good.

The question addressed in the article and this blog post is: why do girls dumb themselves down to get guys to like them? The answer: some guys (and I emphasize SOME) really are intimidated and threatened by intelligent females. A good female friend of mine is studying to be a doctor (AMAZING right?), and had already informed me over a year ago that telling guys she’s attending medical school is dropping what she has dubbed the “M-bomb” – they would immediately lose interest in her. And as much as I initially laughed at the term M-bomb, the phenomenon it represents is actually quite sad. I thought we (being the young adults of today’s day and age) were getting over this men-must-be-the-stronger-smarter-breadwinners-bullshit. This idea for the male gender role was the accepted norm back in the day, but even that didn’t fly with everyone – my mom is currently the so-called “breadwinner” in our family and has been for quite some time, and I don’t think my dad minds one bit (if you’re reading this, kudos to you Daddy!). And again, I’ll repeat: some guys nowadays are NOT intimidated by intelligent females. In fact, when I told my boyfriend at the time of my friend’s M-bomb experience and declared to him how true the whole thing is, he bristled at the idea – kudos to him too!  So to you men out there who are dating intelligent women who may even be smarter than you, I commend you for not sticking to these outdated gender roles. To you women out there who are dating men, I beg of you: PLEASE do not continue to dumb yourselves down for guys. In all honesty, do you want to date a guy you have to dumb yourself down for and not be able to share your awesome ideas and opinions with? I promise ladies, when you find a guy who is truly worthy of any space in that big brain of yours, he will be insulted if you try to hide any of it from him.

~ Tasha

What the hell are you looking at?

Recently I witnessed something that left me feeling enraged. A few days ago I was walking down Church street between Gould and Dundas.  About ten feet ahead of me there was another woman walking. A man headed in the opposite direction made it a point to stop walking and stare down the woman as she walked by. It probably took less than a minute for the entire thing to transpire but I still couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Just to reiterate,  this guy stopped walking, and stared her up and down, front to back.

I could go on to describe the young woman and what she was wearing but that is irrelevant. The point is that once again, a man felt that a woman walking down the street, minding her own business, was there for his own personal viewing pleasure. As I walked by I gave him the biggest stink eye I could muster. To be honest, I am still kicking myself for not yelling at him. But as Deb Chard told us at Wen Do on Monday, women are taught from day one not to make a fuss, not to speak up, not to upset anybody. And yet who ends up upset? We do. I’m not saying that we should always yell at random men on the street. But I think it’s time that we start speaking up for ourselves and others.

Anyway, to get back at the issue at hand, I have to wonder what would have happened if I had just yelled, “What the hell are you staring at?! Women are not public property!” Would he have cared? Would he have stopped staring or tried to pretend that he wasn’t doing anything wrong? Maybe he would have yelled back. No matter his reaction, I would have had the satisfaction of knowing that at least I tried to speak up.

Incidents like these happen everyday to women. We are taught to brush them off, to ignore them. (Don’t make a fuss!) And yet you can talk to almost any woman and eventually it will come out that these types of acts do bother us. They make us feel uncomfortable. They make us feel like our bodies do not belong to ourselves. These are the types of incidents that remind us that women are still considered public property and that we exist only for the viewing pleasure of men. As women, we know that this is beyond unfair. We are more than just our bodies. It’s time for us to start speaking up and to let men know that this kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. From now on, whenever I see someone staring at a woman like she’s a piece of meat, I am going to ask, “What the hell are you looking at?”

-Kirthan